Resurfacing

The whole birth of this blog was conceived with the intention of re-discovering myself.  Three and a half years ago I entered the blog world as a brand new mother who had lost site of her own passions in life.  So consumed with the caring of my child, I had forgotten who I was before I became "mommy".  I had this new joy in life: my baby daughter.... but I had forgotten how to pursue other joys.  I had so many questions. Who am I in a world of busy, surrounded by the mundane grind of every day motherhood activities?  What are my passions and why do I push through day after day? How does my role as mother combine with the person I already was?  Who am I becoming?  And how do I make sure that the person that I am becoming is somebody that I like?  Most importantly, how do I keep my friendship with the only One that matters, Christ, forefront in a life filled with so many distractions?

While my journey to self-discovery has been profitable since then, a journey with many deep valleys and high hills, those same questions have a way of cycling back into my life again and again.  If there was ever a time to seek out those answers in depth, now is the time.

My entire life shifted and six months ago we moved abroad.  We embarked on a brand new ministry. Possessing no knowledge of what the future truly held.  I know some people from back in the States keep praising us for our nobility and our brave, sacrificial spirits to go forth on this great adventure for the sake of the Kingdom of God.  It's like we're some sort of spiritual heroes.  But I don't feel that way. I've been in language school for six months learning French.  I still can barely comprehend a conversation.  I've been preparing for a life abroad since before I met John.  Now I'm in France, and I feel like I have such a low capacity to adjust to the cultural changes I am experiencing.

I've moved to France.  We live a 45 min train ride away from one of the most incredible, celebrated cities in the world.  The globe has opened itself up wide and I jumped in to a world of opportunities: things to discover, adventures to be had, glory to behold.

...But, just because I'm here now.... doesn't mean I don't have a million questions about my identity, my purpose, and my quest for joy in this life.

And if anything, moving abroad has only magnified those questions.

My kids are still just kids.  Typical, American preschoolers.  Being in Paris doesn't make it any easier to deal with them, to maintain house, to keep a healthy marriage, to survive.  ....Well, okay, the occasional fresh croissant from the local bakery doesn't hurt.  ...But it also doesn't make it suddenly beautiful either.

Here's my sweet family.... notice my son's face... he was having a typical whiney two-year old moment. :)

I am no spiritual hero.  Just a girl living this mommy-life in a strange new land.  Trying to love Jesus with everything in me in hopes that others will take notice and want to grab hold.  I still have many questions. Sometimes the journey is ugly. Definitely far from perfect.  Even here.  Even in Paris.

Here's to resurfacing... here's to finding me.