First Signs of Fall

Day 14 of the chicken pox.  Still waiting for the last of the blisters to scab over so I can be set free of these apartment walls.

As I wait it out inside....  I'm thinking about what it will be like to step foot outside again.  The day we walked to our local médecin (doctor) and I was diagnosed, it was still warm, sunny summer weather.  This week (as I have observed from my window) it has been drizzly and in the 50's.  The house has been chilly and I have been dawning warm socks and downing multiple cups of hot tea.  I feel as if I missed a season.  Being from Sunny California, I'm not used to the weather cooling off until late October, even November... maybe that is why I love and long for the coming of fall so much??

{Newsflash for this California Native: Paris is a surprisingly cold city}

This photo was snapped on my iPhone on August 25, over two weeks ago.  Even still, I had been spotting falling leaves since the beginning of August, a time that should still be considered summer in my head!  Need I mention that I was still occasionally dawning a jacket and scarf in June, less than eight weeks prior to this photo? I wore shorts for only one week during late July.

So summer in Paris has been very short.  I have been told by many French locals that this year has been an unusually cold year. In fact, I even heard that this past spring was the coldest spring Paris has seen in over 100 years!

Now, any old readers of my blog will remember my love of all things autumn.  I unashamedly claim this as my all-time favorite season. However, I must admit that after being cooped up inside for the last two weeks, I am actually a little sad to see the sunshine disappear so soon. I think it is mostly because I know that once the cold weather kicks in, it pretty much stays that way for the next six to eight months.

Nonetheless, I would be lying if I didn't admit that a small smile creeps across my face knowing that fall is swiftly arriving. The near future holds hot homemade apple cider, lovely walks through Parisian gardens filled with views of firey orange, deep yellows, and crunchy leaves underfoot.  I can't wait to walk the streets with my camera in hand!

So while I wait to be set free from my captivity, I will be spending some much needed time with my sweet Jesus, and I will look forward to the good things (at least I'll try; right now I'm stressing about all the language school I'm missing).  And you better believe the next time I finally get to the city I will be hunting down a Starbucks that makes Pumpkin Spice Lattes!


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P.S. For those interested, John recorded me sharing a little bit about my experience surviving the chicken pox for our weekly videos over on HintonsInParis.com.  Check out the video here.

Resurfacing

The whole birth of this blog was conceived with the intention of re-discovering myself.  Three and a half years ago I entered the blog world as a brand new mother who had lost site of her own passions in life.  So consumed with the caring of my child, I had forgotten who I was before I became "mommy".  I had this new joy in life: my baby daughter.... but I had forgotten how to pursue other joys.  I had so many questions. Who am I in a world of busy, surrounded by the mundane grind of every day motherhood activities?  What are my passions and why do I push through day after day? How does my role as mother combine with the person I already was?  Who am I becoming?  And how do I make sure that the person that I am becoming is somebody that I like?  Most importantly, how do I keep my friendship with the only One that matters, Christ, forefront in a life filled with so many distractions?

While my journey to self-discovery has been profitable since then, a journey with many deep valleys and high hills, those same questions have a way of cycling back into my life again and again.  If there was ever a time to seek out those answers in depth, now is the time.

My entire life shifted and six months ago we moved abroad.  We embarked on a brand new ministry. Possessing no knowledge of what the future truly held.  I know some people from back in the States keep praising us for our nobility and our brave, sacrificial spirits to go forth on this great adventure for the sake of the Kingdom of God.  It's like we're some sort of spiritual heroes.  But I don't feel that way. I've been in language school for six months learning French.  I still can barely comprehend a conversation.  I've been preparing for a life abroad since before I met John.  Now I'm in France, and I feel like I have such a low capacity to adjust to the cultural changes I am experiencing.

I've moved to France.  We live a 45 min train ride away from one of the most incredible, celebrated cities in the world.  The globe has opened itself up wide and I jumped in to a world of opportunities: things to discover, adventures to be had, glory to behold.

...But, just because I'm here now.... doesn't mean I don't have a million questions about my identity, my purpose, and my quest for joy in this life.

And if anything, moving abroad has only magnified those questions.

My kids are still just kids.  Typical, American preschoolers.  Being in Paris doesn't make it any easier to deal with them, to maintain house, to keep a healthy marriage, to survive.  ....Well, okay, the occasional fresh croissant from the local bakery doesn't hurt.  ...But it also doesn't make it suddenly beautiful either.

Here's my sweet family.... notice my son's face... he was having a typical whiney two-year old moment. :)

I am no spiritual hero.  Just a girl living this mommy-life in a strange new land.  Trying to love Jesus with everything in me in hopes that others will take notice and want to grab hold.  I still have many questions. Sometimes the journey is ugly. Definitely far from perfect.  Even here.  Even in Paris.

Here's to resurfacing... here's to finding me.

We made it to Paris!

Unbelievalbly. Long. Plain ride.

We survived.  We're here.

Here we go.....

A Time of Thankfulness

Seriously?  It's November already?  October ended almost as swiftly as it began, and let's try not to notice that my last legitimate post on this blog was in March!  I think it's time that this blog got a serious face lift, and I could probably use a little creative refreshment as well.

For anyone reading now who has been following my family's journey over the past year, it's been a humdinger!  We are leaving our whole lives behind here in the states and moving to Paris, France, as missionaries with the Christian and Missionary Alliance. (go check out www.HintonsInParis.com!)  I don't need to go into all the hairy details at this time, but let's just say the process has had its stressors.  It came to a climax last week when we sold practically everything and moved out of our precious house in Visalia.  Currently, we are staying with my parents in Sacramento, preparing to move into temporary housing until we move on to Paris.

...But, as I said already, it's November already.  Anyone who knows me well, knows how much I adore the fall.  And I can't let the stress of moving disrupt enjoying the little pleasures in life.  November marks preparation for Thanksgiving, and I would like to start this month off taking note of what I am thankful for.  Especially during a time of stress like this (and I'm sure we all can identify with stressors in life), I need more than ever to be reminded of what I am thankful for.  Let's start this harvest season of thanksgiving off right....

I am thankful for a roof over my head, a comfortable bed to sleep in, food in the refrigerator, and people who love me dearly.

Truly.  These are the types of luxuries that we fail to take notice of each and every day.  We forget that if we have a bed to sleep in and three meals a day, we are among the world's wealthy.  How convicting.  As I am temporarily homeless, I am reminded of the blessing of a roof and a bed... a comfortable bed at that!  My parents home has always been a place of comfort for me with its good smells and cozy furniture and warm decor.  These are things I need more then ever right now to add a little sanity into my life.

People who love me.

Do I even realize the power of that statement?  I have an adoring and supporting husband, who cheers me on, pushes me forward, and dries my tears every single day.  He always makes me feel strong, beautiful and capable of whatever I put my mind to.  In a time and day when so many marriages fail, I am thankful to have my incredible spouse.  I also have two beautiful children who snuggle with me every day, smile at me in the morning, and come to me when they are crying.  They are always reminding me that I am loved.

As I have had to let go of so many things lately, I am finally recognizing that this is all a person really needs.  If I have food, shelter, and people I love surrounding me with Christ in the center, there is little left to fret about.  As everything is rapidly changing, may I keep that in the forefront of my brain during this upcoming holiday season.

Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith!

Luke 12:27,28

Have You Headed Over to HintonsInParis.com?

An average day in the life of the Hinton family right now would be nothing short of crazy and unique.  In the past several months we have been traveling all over, doing one event after another, constantly filling our schedule, moving out of our house, and just trying to catch our breath.... Oh yeah, and I'm still mothering two rambunctious children ages 3.5 years and 22 months.  In the past six or so months, we have traveled back and forth to Sacramento over a dozen times, taken multiple day trips to Southern California, flown to Washington state, Hawaii, and Colorado... and that doesn't include the traveling that John has been doing all around the country as a magician/evangelist. We've been living out of suitcases constantly, are now completely moved out of our Visalia house, and frankly, it's just been hard to keep up.

The cause of all this craziness lies in the future ahead of us.  My family is moving to Paris. It has been a wild journey! We have felt the strong call of God to pursue a very spiritually lost culture in this grand city and to use our individual spiritual gifts while doing so.  These plans have been in the works for the past year, but if this is news to you, then I can only assume that you are not a regular follower of me or the rest of my family's interactions on the world wide web, as this has been public knowledge since last February. 

So, if you haven't already, please visit our Paris ministry website: HintonsInParis.com   If you have visited this site but it's been awhile, check it out again.  We are always updating the site with the latest goings-on of our process to get to Paris and have a regular blog there, too!  We would greatly value all prayer and support we can receive as we pursue this call the Lord has given our family.

Big News

Have you heard the latest?  No I'm not pregnant.  But seriously, have you heard the latest scoop on our family? If not, first, check it out here and then here.

Seriously.  Go do it now.  It's a pretty big deal. ;)

A Week of Wonderful Returns!

I missed doing this side of my blog.  This "the glass is half-full" portion of my posts.  We all need a little optimism now and then, and hopefully even the most hectic of schedules and lifestyles shouldn't deter me from taking a moment to write down what I'm thankful for in the past week.

I'm revamping it a little, though.  Formerly my list was "Ten Things That Made This Week Wonderful".  While I agree that we should be able to find at least ten things in every DAY to be grateful for, the requirement added an unnecessary stress on my part and was one of the factors which kept me from the consistency of this post.  Henceforth, it shall simply be,


Little Things That Made This Week Wonderful...

• It doesn't get said enough:  I have a really amazing husband.  He makes everything about my week better. 
• Charity says the funniest things these days.  As her vocabulary grows, her understanding of the things around her increases, and her skill in sentence forming furthers, we get some amusing statements.  She always keeps me laughing. 
• I had a great Valentine's day with my sweetie.  Kid-free afternoon, food, movies, chocolate, and just relaxing.  It was blissful.
• Silas is literally smiling and laughing all the time.  He brings sunshine into the room and keeps my heart forever smiling.
• Friday I got to spend a lunch at Chipotle with some wonderful gals from our youth ministry.  Always a treat to be with the girls.
• When I picked up Charity from the preschool at church this morning she told me, "I learned 'bout JESUS!"  ...oh my heart!
• Today was a refreshing Sunday.  An encouraging message at church in the morning, and ended with dinner at a friend's.  Can't complain.

    

Did you find your week to be wonderful as well?

An Explanation

Dear Friends,

It is no mystery that I have been slightly MIA from the blog world in the last 8 months to a year.  Honestly, I have mostly been discouraged to write... In truth, I've been feeling incompetent in comparison to the thousands of mom blogs out there featuring these women that seem to possess super human skill as multi-tasking mom goddesses of craftiness, organization, culinary skills, and design capabilities.  Just poke around the blogosphere.  There are scads of these things out there.  I don't want to pretend to be one them.  

 
I realize some of this comes from the average mom's sheer desire to be able to pat herself on the back for a job well done at the end of a hard day with her children... "look what I can do!"  "look at how I mastered this project"....as much as I love gaining inspiration from all these blogs myself, it all becomes a bit defeating... until I remember that nobody is perfect and we all like to put up a form of facade when we display ourselves to the rest of the world.

So I have determined, that as much as I do like to pass on my discoveries or creative achievements on this blog in hopes that others will be inspired as well, ultimately I desire this space to be one that reflects more my imperfections rather than my "perfections".... and if anything seems to reflect perfection, I can only pass blame to that sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit within me.  Every peanut butter sandwich  made and every project completed and every happy day can be attributed to his mighty work.  But I don't want to forget that I am a fumbling human being.  I am saved by grace alone.  I am otherwise a big mess. We all need to be able to see that the world isn't full of super-moms and over-acheivers, and near-perfect parents.  Most of my days are pretty gritty.

I have been bottling up a lot of things that I have longed to share here over the past six or so months.... from fun creative posts to simple matters of the heart... perhaps it is time to let loose.

More later on this week.  I hope.

Grace and Peace,
Maribeth

On days like today...

...And it has been one of those days.  You know, the ones where every thing that happens spends you... till you think you are totally depleted, and then the day gets harder and you find out what it means to be stretched to your limit.  I think it's God's best form of character building.  Perhaps a little cruel, but effective, nonetheless.

Silas is teething.  This equates to torture of all in our household.  His normal happy temperament has been replaced with whininess, little to no napping, and power struggles during feeding times.  He screams and whales a lot.  In addition, the little guy suddenly is refusing his bottle.  Being a mother who loves the parent-child bond that comes from nursing, this would normally not be the end of the world.  However, this Friday we have scheduled Silas and Charity to go to a babysitter's for the day so John and I can meet up with some friends for a non-reschedualable get together down south.  Thus, frustration and worry ensue.  With that, Silas was up before the sun was this morning and his sister followed within an hour.  And no, I haven't gotten a nap since.

Charity meanwhile is being her typical two year old self.  Testing every limit and pushing all the boundaries.  A daily struggle that keeps me in Christ's throne room on a regular basis.

Enter in the moment when the day gets harder:  As I'm spoon-feeding Silas his formula/breastmilk/cereal mixture in an attempt to give him some nutrients, he is finally calming down for a moment when I hear a deafening SMACK from the hallway.  Dropping the bowl I run to see my little girl sprawled on the floor.  She starts screaming as I realize that she has slammed head-first into our big sideboard.  After the tears slightly subside I sit her on the table to observe the damage and see the largest egg-sized purple bump I have ever witnessed forming in the middle of her reddened-forehead.  Oh baby girl!

....Now, let's face it: I realize that many people have had harder days.  I'm sure in a few years I will write a post with incomparable sufferings.  Nevertheless, it's just been one of those plain, simple, hard days that fry your nerves and test your sanctification.

Then I read a devotional from Tenth Dot today, and it puts me right into the place I need to be... Thank you Lord.

Psalm 37:8

Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret--it only leads to evil.

Proverbs 19:11

A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.

...And alas, even before I finish typing this post, my poor little Silas wakens in tears from his nap--an hour earlier than he should have.  It's these little things that can cause me to either choose to lean on Christ, or snap.  Every human being had challenges today.  I am no different.  But I am thankful I have a Supernatural Power to lean on amidst these challenges.  Thanks Lord, for the little things to keep me humble and make me strong.

A Much Needed Vacation

Summer's almost over, but not without some good family vacation!  

From John's magic bookings to his two weeks of youth summer camp, to ten days in Taiwan, and multiple business trips, he's been gone and I have been flying solo more this summer perhaps than not.  I'd say that John's time away has totaled near a month within the last two and half months.  Needless to say, I have gained a lot of parenting experiencing juggling two kids on my own!

It has been exciting to hear about everything God has been doing through John and the youth ministry and his magic ministry.  The Lord is good, and we are extremely thankful.  And in response to all of this "good" busy-ness, we are so excited and ready for the coming week...


Tomorrow afternoon we set off for a full week beach trip with my entire immediate family.  It's been quite a project to simply get the four of us packed for this adventure!  But I can hardly express my excitement!  And look at how lucky we are:

Sixteen of us will be jammed into this lovely five bedroom beach house right on the shores in Oxnard, California.  Our family of four, my parents and my two sisters and their families.... oh man is it going to be wonderful.... and get this: 8 kids all under the age of 6!!  Boy are we going to be busy!  But I can't wait.  

How I need this break to relax and reconnect with family in a way I haven't since I can't remember how long.  So perhaps I will be reporting from Oxnard next time you hear from me!! ...Off to the sand and the waves, let's hope I don't get my annual summer lobster burn!

It's time to take my song back!

Not long ago, during some casual conversation with my husband, John said something that caught me off guard:  

"You don't sing anymore."

The phrase just hung there.  The accusation hit me like a punch to the stomach. ...I don't sing anymore?!  But I couldn't tell him he was wrong.  I really don't sing much anymore.  


Anyone who has known me at all beyond the last three years would be very aware of the appalling nature of this statement.  Those who know me well would be doubtful of its truth.  In my youth, I was a person who practically made my living out of singing.  I had been involved in choir throughout high school, studied singing in private voice lessons for over thirteen years, I almost majored in vocal performance, and I have participated in a variety of worship teams over the last eight to ten years.  If anyone knew anything about me, it was that I was a singer!  ...And yet, I couldn't deny John's statement.  My everyday life is not filled with music and song in the way it once so frequently was.  I can still say that I love to sing, but I'm not humming a tune through my day or belting out ballads at any given moment, which once was a very regular occurrence for me.
 
So the conversation haunted me for a number of weeks.  Where has my music gone?  How could I, of all people, not be singing?  Has the daunting job of housewife, mother, and homemaker really stolen the song right off my lips?  Perhaps this was the painful truth of the matter.  Joyful music has been replaced with mundane routines, exhaustion, and redundant preschool television theme songs (not the kind of music I really want to be singing throughout the day... I get enough of them already!).  
  
Next thing I know, I've found myself right back to why I started blogging in the first place:  Being a full-time mom, though wonderful, has the tendency take me on such an altering journey that I lose my sense of self.  I think this happens to the best of us.  That is why we hear of those women who have "let themselves go".  The priority of children has mom putting herself on the bottom of the priority list.  It isn't long before pajamas are our daily uniform, the make up drawer goes untouched, and we start getting our meals from fast food and the freezer isle.  I promised myself I wouldn't become that person.  Yes, some days it's okay to take a break and wear pj's or have quick easy meals, but may that never become the norm in this household.  I want to live life with more fullness than that.  I want to honor the person that God has created in me by taking on life with both arms open.  And in doing so, it ultimately benefits far more than just myself,  I do it also as a model to my children.  I want my kids to take pride in themselves as well.  They will only learn that from the day to day life that I portray to them during their childhood.
  
That being said, this all has motivated a change in my everyday perspective.  John often tells me that one of the reasons he fell in love with me was for my infectious optimism.  Unfortunately, the wear and tear of my day to day seems to sometimes soak up all that positive thinking far too much of the time. It's time to take my song back!
 
Prayerfully moving forward,  I'm seeking Holy Spirit strength to reclaim my song.  It's time to wake up in the morning and look forward to each wonderful, tiring, busy, and exciting part of it.  Why? -- because my Savior gave me breath today, and I'm fortunate enough to have the delight of my children's faces and the tender love of my husband.  That's enough to sing about by itself, and my life's blessings don't stop there!  Thankfully, that's part of why I have this blog -- to record and remind myself of life's little blessings.  
...They are all a part of Finding Me. 

My Third Annual Mother's Day

I know I haven't been at this whole mom thing very long.  I still have a lot to learn and require a lot of grace, but Mother's Day is arguably becoming one of my favorite days of the year.  Personally, I feel that it is a day that permits me (and others) to celebrate the thing that I have come to take immeasurable pride in:  the raising of my children.  This is what makes me "mom".

Things I could've never known about what makes this day special until I became a mother myself:

• There is a reason bigger than Hallmark for why we celebrate moms:  Theirs is one of the hardest jobs on the planet.       
• This day is not just about being appreciated by your kids, it's an opportunity for you, the mom, to take pride in the daily grind of what you do that earned you that title, "Mother"
• If marriage requires selflessness, than mothering requires even more... In the last three years I have learned on vastly different levels what it means to be self-sacrificing.
• You never knew your capacity to love was so great until you have your own child.
• Because I am now a mom myself, I can truly praise my own mother in deepest gratitude on this day.
• Mother's Day proves that there is value in every diaper changed, every sleepless night, every wound mended, every discipline given, every carpool trip, every homework assistance, every meal cooked, every lullaby sung, every hug given, every unacknowledged effort, and every day you are on your knees praying for your children...

...Sometimes the job of being mom can leave me feeling like my hard work goes unnoticed, that the things I do have little merit compared to what I saw myself one day achieving, and that by the end of the day I have accomplished so very little.  There are times that I question the value of what I am doing when the framed piece of paper with my name on it that says "Bachelor of Science in General Ministry" could have been better used as a dust pan to clean up the food spills of the day.

Constantly, however, I am reminded -- by the glow in my daughter's eyes and grin on my son's face -- that what I do is priceless... eternally significant. God grants me grace every day through the preciousness of my children to remind me of how meaningful my stay-at-home-mom-job truly is.

They are the reasons I am allowed to be honored on this special day.  

Thank you, Charity and Silas, for your innocent love.

"Her children arise and call her blessed..."

Proverbs 31:28

Two is the Beginning of the End

"...One day when she was two years old she was playing in a garden, and she plucked another flower and ran with it to her mother.  I suppose she must have looked rather delightful, for [her mother] put her hand to her heart and cried, 'Oh, why can't you remain like this for ever!' This was all that passed between them on the subject, but henceforth [the girl] knew that she must grow up. 
You always know after you are two. Two is the beginning of the end."  

- Peter Pan, J.M. Barrie

On Monday, Charity turned two.  May baby girl is no longer a baby, and yes, I am beginning to accept that fact that she must grow up...

  

And alas, we have officially entered the infamous "terrible twos"; though, admittedly, it seems as if Charity has already been in this phase for several months now.  She already is fully capable of being a complete tantruming mess when she chooses.  Nonetheless, she has suddenly become a big girl.  It is as if on her birthday something in her little sub-conscience told her that now it is time to grow up. Perhaps Peter Pan was right, 'You always know after you are two."  

She says her "pleases" and "thank yous", she holds my hand when we leave the house (and quite insists on it), she has an enormous vocabulary that grows daily, she is already learning her shapes and colors, and she knows she is suppose to have a plate and a fork when she sits down to eat (and if mom forgets to provide her with her grown up place setting, she is sure to let her know)!

What a change from a year ago:  When we gave her cake for her birthday last year, she was covered in frosting.  This year, her cake was on a plate, and she was using a utensil.  Even more impressive is that almost all of it made it into her mouth rather than onto her face!

But perhaps what took me aback the most was the other day when we were attempting to leave the house, and Silas was extremely upset about being in his car seat.  As John and I were scrambling around to get things together to get out the door, Silas was screaming, and Charity quietly made it her own prerogative to go over to his car seat and calm him down.  She knelt beside the seat and began rocking him gently.  Then she graciously offered him her toy bottle.  Her attempts to sooth her baby brother in fact worked--almost instantly--and I practically cried as John and I stood back and watched in surprise and delight while Charity cared for her baby brother. It was such a precious moment.  

She really seemed quite grown up.

  

  

...Next thing I know, I'll be handing her the keys to our 17-year old Kia.

I've become one of "those" parents...

You know:  That parent who knows more about children's entertainment than the latest Grammy or Academy Award winner... One of those parents who looks forward to Sesame Street each morning and new episodes of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse...  A parent that knows the names of every Barney and Friends character and has the PBS kids show time schedule memorized? Do you know those parents?  I'm one of them.  Seriously, the songs that I get stuck in my head are not the latest top radio hits, but theme songs from preschool television shows.  Listen, I'm not kidding... I even harmonize with Elmo whenever he comes on the screen singing "Elmo's World"!  I never thought it would happen, but as sure as rain falls, it did.

And finally, how I know I've become one of "those" parents:  "Playhouse Disney", the Disney Channel's preschool program that runs each morning, became "Disney Junior" yesterday, and I was excited about it.  Yes, this is the kind of event that gets me charged up and tickles my toes... not the latest Twilight movie or a weekend sale at Macy's, but the premiere of Disney Junior to the Disney Channel.  And believe me, it's a big deal around this house, because my whole morning's schedule falls around Disney show times.  (Every morning, when Charity wakes up, she says "Mickey!" and expects to watch her show).

Most exciting about this new Disney Junior is the arrival of an all new show, "Jake and the Neverland Pirates", featuring Captain Hook himself and his band of swashbuckling pirates.  And it's arrival couldn't have been more timely, as Silas is becoming our own little Peter Pan with his Neverland-themed nursery, and Charity has recently been exposed to this charming tale as well.  Sadly, I can already sing along with the show's theme song... (one of those parents).  But I love that they are incorporating a Disney classic into a kids' TV show.  I mean, how cute is this?

Yes, I'm THAT mom.  If it makes my kids happy, I'm happy.  It's the simple things that delight a parent, really.

A New Family

It's warm today for this time of year.  68 and sunny.  But I don't mind.  In fact, I rather like it.  It's nice to have the warm sun streaming through the windows, brightening up the home, reminding me that there is life beyond these four walls.  I don't get outside of the house much these days.

Here is my excuse for this hermit-like behavior:

Our brand new baby boy, Silas John Paul, was born on his daddy's birthday, December 20th, 6 lbs. 3 oz., 18 inches long, at 8:24 am.  He is seven weeks old today--and that is how long it has taken me to get back onto my blog.  Any of you parents out there know how time consuming and restless caring for a newborn is... and I have a rambunctious toddler on my hands to add to the work.  ...Alas, even before I finished typing that very sentence, my sweet tiny son awoke from the content slumber that he was in with discomfort and screaming...  And this is why I don't get out of the house too often: baby care and feeding 24-7, changing diapers, providing snacks, cleaning spit up, picking up toys, laundry round the clock, putting little ones to sleep, and enduring many forms of tears and whining (including my own) ...This is my new life.  

Obviously, this leaves little time for luxuries like internet surfing and all-important blogging.   But that's alright, really.  As much as I miss my old "normal"... the new "normal" (though exhausting) has its abundant joys and I know will reap great rewards.  
 
Every time Charity sees her baby brother, she has to give him a kiss.  And every moment Silas depends on my care.  And every day I watch my husband hold and love on my children with adoration.  I may have taken on a very full and demanding lifestyle, but oh how joyous and fulfilling...

Far and Few Between

I really get sick with myself when so much time passes between blog posts.  I will often have a great blog idea or something I want to post to readers out there, but then getting around to sit down and type it out just doesn't occur as often as I would like.  I'm not the type of person who can just whip something out on a whim (though admittedly that is what this post is), each post takes time, energy, and heartfelt thought.... then obsessive review.  Just ask my husband how long it takes for me to write a blog post.  I am a perfectionist at heart which all perfectionists out there know both the blessing and the curse of this "condition".

Nonetheless, I don't like it when I leave my blog unattended.  Even if no one is reading... I like to think that somewhere out there some people care on a regular basis what I have to say.  
  
Truth be told, I just have been too zonked out with this pregnancy to make the effort.  I am now 37 weeks gestation, which is officially full-term, and I am so ready to be done!  I never thought I would make it this far, as Charity was born at 35 weeks, but I guess every baby is different.  If any of you follow my pregnancy blog, you know that our little boy is breech.  I honestly think this has a lot to do with why I haven't had pre-term labor.  With his head not pushing down on my cervix, my body doesn't have nearly the need/urge to dilate like it did before.  I won't go into any further details about labor, other than to say that I just wish it would be over with.  I want to meet my son.  Yet now because he is breech, we have to have a c-section.  This was not my choice, but at this point there is no other realistic option.  My cesarean has been scheduled for Dec. 29th, but we shall see if I will make it that far.  I am still convinced that with my luck, we will have a Christmas baby.  Certainly that would be fine too.  I just want a healthy child.

I can tell even as I write this post that my pregnancy hormones are uprising as I consider the frustration I am under due to the unknown.  If I was 37 weeks pregnant during any other month of the year, I wouldn't be so anxious, but because it's Christmastime, it has me wringing my hands like a crazy lady.  There is no way to plan for any holiday festivities effectively.  I couldn't even make plans for my own husband's birthday this year.  I hate that.  But no matter how much I dwell on the inconvenience of our situation, there is nothing I can do to change it.  This baby will come when he is ready.
 
I'm trying to hang on to what few Christmas traditions I can this year, as so little can be determined.  I hope you all enjoy your holiday festivities in the coming days and weeks and can savor even the mundane, predictable rituals that you experience each year... because believe me, I wish I could share in a little bit of the predictable.

Why I Am In Love With Autumn: Reason #3

I realize this may sound a little self-indulgent.... but can you blame me?
...One of the reasons I love the autumn season is because my birthday is part of it.

I have fond memories of many birthday celebrations growing up.  We look forward to our birthdays as children much more than we anticipate them as adults.  Whenever October rolled around, it meant my birthday was coming soon.  It also meant the most awesome festive cupcakes that my mom would make for me to deliver to my classmates.  (Wish I could find you a picture, so you could all see these show-stopping treats!)  They were adorably garnished with candy corns and orange and yellow lollipops on chocolate icing.  Talk about festive!

But in all seriousness, I hope that even as grow into middle age and elderly years, I will always enjoy my birthday as opposed to dreading getting another year older, which seems to be the trendier attitude these days.  Instead, I see it as God's graciousness in getting me through another year and giving me another year of life.
  
This year's birthday was a good one; it was yesterday, and my husband treated me very well by giving me a day without Charity and a day of spending time with him.  We shared a lovely breakfast together, went to the movies, did a little shopping, had some pizza for dinner, and ended it with a pleasant, quiet time at Starbucks before picking Charity up at the end of the day.  A simple day of simple activities, but all things that I never get to enjoy anymore as a full-time mommy.  This, of course, made it extra special.

...So three cheers to getting older and having another excuse to celebrate!  I love autumn!

Not Every Day Can Be a Good Day

Yesterday was one of those days.  Sometimes my hard work as a mom doesn't feel all that appreciated. I suppose, however, that I cannot blame that on my 19-month old. It was yesterday that Charity decided to literally bulldoze everything she came in contact with, thus destroying my clean home (it's a wonder it ever stays somewhat neat around here!)  And whenever she was removed from the area that mommy wasn't okay with, she would wine and tantrum.  Lovely. 

While naptime is usually a welcomed relief from days like this, yesterday's nap did not provide much relief, as she only napped for 50 minutes as opposed to her usual 2 hours, thus resulting in a tired and fussy toddler on top of the whining wrecking ball that I already had.  Joy.

I realize motherhood and parenting in general cannot be filled with perfect days and angel-like children... in fact, those days are the rare ones.  This truth doesn't alter the fact, however, that those less-than-perfect days make me want to cry and hide in my room for the entire afternoon, pretending that I am not a mother.  This is even more the case while enduring pregnancy = a tired, sore body and raging hormones.

I can say that there was at least a pleasant intermission to my toddler's "off-day" when daddy came home and we took a trip to the Pumpkin Patch. That place truly delighted her...

  

Of course, her delight in the Pumpkin Patch also meant her utter disapproval and breakdown upon leaving.  So for a short hour of my day, I got some relief from my emotional child, then it was back to mood swings and whining.
  
It's all a part of a parent's day-to-day, I realize.  Days like this cause me to seek the wisdom of Solomon who wrote, "Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools" (Ecc. 7:9). It's far easier to get provoked and angry, even if it's towards a toddler who is just trying to learn the ways of her world while making a mess of things.  Instead in response I must lean on the Holy Spirit for that fruit of patience which he promises, and attempt to not be a "fool" of a mother.  Lord, grant me strength.  

So far today, Charity has been a bit more pleasant... I'll pray it lasts, and be thankful for the trade-off.

I'm Becoming Betty Crocker

I guess my nesting hormones have taken over, or something.  I think I also am constantly craving tasty baked goods.  Not to mention I'm always looking for another creative outlet.  


I've always enjoyed time spent in the kitchen, but lately I've been on a baking kick set into over-drive.  I just finished a cookie marathon practically, and in the last month I can't even begin to tell you how many different baked treats I've pulled out of my oven. Just a few weeks ago I made an orange pound cake, followed by two loaves of my very first attempt at bread:  Apple Blueberry Zucchini Carrot Bread (sounds ridiculous and overloaded, I know, but it was scrumptious!), and then it was a batch of scones and a round of croissant rolls.


But get this -- In less than a week, I've whipped up over four different types of cookies!  Yesterday alone I made two of the four.  What has come over me?  I got so excited about making cookies, that I started giving batches away to the neighbors and people at John's office. You'd think it was the holidays at our house. Yes, the nesting hormones are in strong and baked sweets is my latest pregnancy indulgence, I guess.

Though I must admit,  I am also very impressed with myself.  I managed to achieve all that baking while parenting my ever-busy 18-month old toddler (who is a bit of bull dozer to everything in her path right now).  Not only that, but I still have the tenacity to don my apron again next week.  I have two more baked treats in my queue:  Fruity Strawberry Bread and Savory Palmiers.... and sometime next month I'm already planning on pulling out my famous fall-time dessert of Apple-Pear Crisp.  Needless to say, this drive encouraged me to think that if I can be in the kitchen all day on my feet while pregnant and still enjoy myself... somehow (though I know the two aren't really related)... I'll figure out how to juggle being mommy to two tiny munchkins.  Everyone says it's going to be hard, and I don't doubt it.... but I know I can do it too.


So, out all of this big baking extravaganza, I figured I ought to at least share with you my favorite creations.  It comes down to two:  Earl Grey Shortbread Cookies, and Strawberry Rosemary Scones.  These two treats are so unique, yet wildly delicious.  I know what some of you may be thinking,  "Earl Grey Tea... in a cookie?  Strawberry and Rosemary... do those even go together?"  ...But I can't even begin to tell you how good both of these are! Both of these recipes I got from Food Network chefs and you can even watch videos of them being made on the Foodnetwork website. Both are also insanely simple. Perfect treats for a tea or a brunch or just for whenever...

Click on a link to make one of these bad boys!

Earl Grey Shortbread Cookies
Courtesy of Claire Robinson

Strawberry & Rosemary Scones
Courtesy of Giada De Laurentis

My Old Stomping Grounds...

Every year when September rolls around, I find myself remembering what it was like to go back to school and attend Simpson each fall.  I think enviously of all the 20-somethings moving back into their dorms and starting up a new class schedule.  Then my heart begins to ache, and I am reminded of how much I miss being a college student.

This morning I woke up thinking about Simpson.  How could a single location come to hold so much meaning and value to me?

My husband wrote a great blog post on his reminiscing of Simpson back in January.  Especially if you're a Simpson alum, it's worth a read: "Missing a Season"

I had a high school history teacher once tell our class that college was the best years of his life.  Thinking that sounded strange, I had no idea what he meant.  I now can fully empathize with that teacher's statement.  Please understand, it's not that I would trade it back for the life I have now, because believe me, my life is pretty darn fantastic.  I have experiences and joys now that I could never posses while being an undergrad.  But in a sense, the same is true in reverse.  There were certain joys and experiences that I didn't realize I would only posses as an undergrad.

I miss that my closest friends lived down the hall or across campus, and it took only moments or minutes for me to see them.  I miss sitting in a classroom where my mind was challenged to think about concepts that were beyond anything I had ever considered before.  I miss engaging in discussions with my professors and classmates over issues of theology or how our western culture of Christianity and ministry can negatively affect the other cultures that we attempt to reach.  I miss being challenged to consider a faith that was different than the one I was raised with, but richer and more profound than I could have ever imagined.  I miss sitting down with a Biblical text, and dissecting every word and meaning -- looking up the original Hebrew and studying the cultural context of the passage and the story of the author -- which would cause me to discover something completely new out of a passage I had read over a hundred times before.  I miss reading a book that would enlighten my intellect and sharpen my faith. I miss going to chapel three times a week where when I worshipped the Lord, I could do so so freely that whether I was out loud and passionate, or reclusive and private, it didn't matter because every other student in the auditorium wanted to experience God in the same personal way.  I miss dorm life.  I miss dorm meetings, outings, and activities.  I even miss dorm check ups where your room had to meet the clean standard of the floor RA. I miss studying with peers as well as late night worship sessions with them. And even if the food wasn't always spectacular, I miss that for three meals a day I could share eating with friends and peers around a table in a buzzing cafeteria. 

When we graduated, I remember several of my friends (including myself) saying that we thrilled that we would finally be able to direct our own schedule.  But frankly, sometimes I think we're worse at directing our own schedule than having someone else do it for us.  I miss the daily grind. There was something comforting about knowing exactly what to expect and where I needed to be each day and what was required of me.  It was satisfying to know exactly what I needed to accomplish each day, and to know that when I achieved that, I could be content with my performance for that 24 hours.  I miss the routine.  The predictability.

My life today is far from predictable.  Life raising a toddler and dealing with pregnancy at the same time dispenses plenty of unexpected, but thrilling, turns of events.  And while I used to think that real independence came after college, I'm pretty sure I had more time to myself then than I may ever have now.  Aside from the fact that I'm sure I'd be totally lost if I attempted to re-enroll in Simpson classes again, that season is one that no longer fits my life... and miss though I do, I know it's not suppose to fit my life now anyway.  It was a preparation ground, not a long-term lifestyle.  Sometimes I hate admitting that, but it's true.  

That being said, I certainly have to be grateful for the preparation... for my life today wouldn't be where it is without my time spent at Simpson.  So may this be an ode to the place and season that will always hold a treasured place in my heart, and warm memories from my past... thank you, Simpson, for giving me my today!