My Experiences Within Motherhood, & my Attempts to Maintain a Personal Life Outside of It.

My experiences within motherhood and my attempt to maintain a personal life outside of it.
...Here I record my own self discipline: My commitment not to "let myself go". My promise to seek my God and follow my passions.
My attempt to do so despite and amidst the chaos of chasing around my high-energy kids while learning the French culture...

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

On days like today...

...And it has been one of those days.  You know, the ones where every thing that happens spends you... till you think you are totally depleted, and then the day gets harder and you find out what it means to be stretched to your limit.  I think it's God's best form of character building.  Perhaps a little cruel, but effective, nonetheless.

Silas is teething.  This equates to torture of all in our household.  His normal happy temperament has been replaced with whininess, little to no napping, and power struggles during feeding times.  He screams and whales a lot.  In addition, the little guy suddenly is refusing his bottle.  Being a mother who loves the parent-child bond that comes from nursing, this would normally not be the end of the world.  However, this Friday we have scheduled Silas and Charity to go to a babysitter's for the day so John and I can meet up with some friends for a non-reschedualable get together down south.  Thus, frustration and worry ensue.  With that, Silas was up before the sun was this morning and his sister followed within an hour.  And no, I haven't gotten a nap since.

Charity meanwhile is being her typical two year old self.  Testing every limit and pushing all the boundaries.  A daily struggle that keeps me in Christ's throne room on a regular basis.

Enter in the moment when the day gets harder:  As I'm spoon-feeding Silas his formula/breastmilk/cereal mixture in an attempt to give him some nutrients, he is finally calming down for a moment when I hear a deafening SMACK from the hallway.  Dropping the bowl I run to see my little girl sprawled on the floor.  She starts screaming as I realize that she has slammed head-first into our big sideboard.  After the tears slightly subside I sit her on the table to observe the damage and see the largest egg-sized purple bump I have ever witnessed forming in the middle of her reddened-forehead.  Oh baby girl!

....Now, let's face it: I realize that many people have had harder days.  I'm sure in a few years I will write a post with incomparable sufferings.  Nevertheless, it's just been one of those plain, simple, hard days that fry your nerves and test your sanctification.

Then I read a devotional from Tenth Dot today, and it puts me right into the place I need to be... Thank you Lord.

Psalm 37:8
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret--it only leads to evil.

Proverbs 19:11
A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.

...And alas, even before I finish typing this post, my poor little Silas wakens in tears from his nap--an hour earlier than he should have.  It's these little things that can cause me to either choose to lean on Christ, or snap.  Every human being had challenges today.  I am no different.  But I am thankful I have a Supernatural Power to lean on amidst these challenges.  Thanks Lord, for the little things to keep me humble and make me strong.


Julie said...

I've been there in the mothering trenches. I thought that I would have a nervous breakdown before Conner was seven.Hard days of mothering. They still exsist. I will say, it's hard in a different way on this side of things. Not as physically exhausting though.

Erin warkentin said...

I'm so right there with you. Pretty sure teething is God's special way of teaching me patience and empathy. I just keep telling myself "it's the last one... it's the last one.." So sorry to hear aboutyour day. You are allowed to say it;s is. I love your humble nature and how you handle things under pressure. You're my hero. Keep it up!