My Experiences Within Motherhood, & my Attempts to Maintain a Personal Life Outside of It.

My experiences within motherhood and my attempt to maintain a personal life outside of it.
...Here I record my own self discipline: My commitment not to "let myself go". My promise to seek my God and follow my passions.
My attempt to do so despite and amidst the chaos of chasing around my high-energy kids while learning the French culture...

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Far and Few Between

I really get sick with myself when so much time passes between blog posts.  I will often have a great blog idea or something I want to post to readers out there, but then getting around to sit down and type it out just doesn't occur as often as I would like.  I'm not the type of person who can just whip something out on a whim (though admittedly that is what this post is), each post takes time, energy, and heartfelt thought.... then obsessive review.  Just ask my husband how long it takes for me to write a blog post.  I am a perfectionist at heart which all perfectionists out there know both the blessing and the curse of this "condition".

Nonetheless, I don't like it when I leave my blog unattended.  Even if no one is reading... I like to think that somewhere out there some people care on a regular basis what I have to say.  
Truth be told, I just have been too zonked out with this pregnancy to make the effort.  I am now 37 weeks gestation, which is officially full-term, and I am so ready to be done!  I never thought I would make it this far, as Charity was born at 35 weeks, but I guess every baby is different.  If any of you follow my pregnancy blog, you know that our little boy is breech.  I honestly think this has a lot to do with why I haven't had pre-term labor.  With his head not pushing down on my cervix, my body doesn't have nearly the need/urge to dilate like it did before.  I won't go into any further details about labor, other than to say that I just wish it would be over with.  I want to meet my son.  Yet now because he is breech, we have to have a c-section.  This was not my choice, but at this point there is no other realistic option.  My cesarean has been scheduled for Dec. 29th, but we shall see if I will make it that far.  I am still convinced that with my luck, we will have a Christmas baby.  Certainly that would be fine too.  I just want a healthy child.

I can tell even as I write this post that my pregnancy hormones are uprising as I consider the frustration I am under due to the unknown.  If I was 37 weeks pregnant during any other month of the year, I wouldn't be so anxious, but because it's Christmastime, it has me wringing my hands like a crazy lady.  There is no way to plan for any holiday festivities effectively.  I couldn't even make plans for my own husband's birthday this year.  I hate that.  But no matter how much I dwell on the inconvenience of our situation, there is nothing I can do to change it.  This baby will come when he is ready.
I'm trying to hang on to what few Christmas traditions I can this year, as so little can be determined.  I hope you all enjoy your holiday festivities in the coming days and weeks and can savor even the mundane, predictable rituals that you experience each year... because believe me, I wish I could share in a little bit of the predictable.

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